The Right Choice?

I've come back home to Hyderabad this month. It was an over due "return" and a time of meet and greet. 

Landed here, met the relatives, met a few friends and was planning to travel to a few places but the summer heat got to me. 

Been two weeks now that I'm back and I think I've had my fill. I want to go back to Mumbai and set the reset button. Now that college is over, job hunt is on full swing, there are still few things I have to do. Like a house hunt, a roommate hunt, fund the whole thing while still looking for a semblance of life.

Sitting at home, I'm doing nothing. Just relaxing and eating. However, two weeks is more than enough to go through it all. The gorging, the indulging, the procrastinating. Now, I need to put back things in perspective. How long can I leech off of my parents? It literally sickens me that I'm doing nothing productive. If not for my home, or the family, at least something productive for myself? No one is going to appear as a Fairy Godmother and grant me my wishes! *sigh* If only it could happen. Then there would be nothing to worry about now. Wouldn't it? 

This May also marks the time when my life changed completely. May 12th 2002, I was freed from a lot of things but also bound by many responsibilities. I grew up and grew up how. I don't want to sound like an escapist but I guess I have managed to slowly ignore many things that I knew would just break me if I took them seriously. It’s easier to play House when you know it’s a game rather than believe its the only thing you'll be doing. 

Take flight!

I've been trying to get out of my mental straight-jacket and its taking me a lot of time. I have now seen where the lock to the jacket is. Now to find the key or a pin to pry out of it and let go of many things that has swamped my every fibre of being. 

I know there are many reasons for me to continue living in Hyderabad but there are an equal number of reasons that I wouldn't want to remain here. I'm surprised it took so long for my family to figure out that I did not want to stay here. I know I get and am entitled to having my own things and flexibility and, these things are for granted in many homes including mine. But then, that's all there is!  I'm not nomadic soul bitten by a travel bug but rather a person who wants to get away from it. 

Thankfully, I see its quite common for young people of my age wanting to go out and live on their own terms. I'm now that much of a weirdo after all! Most often, there are girls who dream up of this Knight in shining armour who'll take them away from it all. I'm not looking for that Knight. I want to be my own Knight and also my own Damsel In distress! I'm beginning to sound a little Schizophrenic! I want to come home once in a while and remind me why they still love me. Rather than, hearing an oft-repeated phrase - Get a life! 

Stay by me…

We had to write a love letter. The person we were to writing to, is expected to say yes at the end of it. Now, how would you write it to convince him/her?

It was a part of an exercise on Ideating, Insight, Propositioning, Drafting. 

When the sun shines every morning, I think of you. 

When the sun’s rays touch my face, I think of your smile.

When the sun lightens up the gloomiest of days, I think of your voice.

When the sun touches the sky in the afternoon hours, I think of your grace and strength.

And… As the sun’s rays hide behind the sea’s horizons, I think of your love. 

I know it you had to move away for me. I cherish every moment you were with me. It is by the virtue of the truth. The truth that holds you close to my heart. It is by the virtue of love. The love that binds us just as it frees us. What else would be more virtuous than you my love? Bar the lies, the deceit and the jealousy. It does not lessen our love or strengthen our bonds. It the wall that separates us. It is the virtu of openness and warmth that encompasses our being. The virtue of you being who you are and me being yours. 

But now, everyday, every passing hour and every moment. I ask you to stay by me. Stay by me, Simply, stay by me.